Review: Autoblow A.I. – This was the hardest review I’ve ever written

What started as a conversation on Twitter ended with me being sent an advanced sex toy. Isn’t the internet an amazing thing?

Before this, the closest I’d ever been to any type of self-pleasure device was an unusually crusty makeshift Fleshlight.

Composed of previously frozen hot dog buns preserved in maple syrup in two Ziploc bags rubberbanded together, laying outside of Kevin’s house.

Why was it outside, Kevin? Why did you brandish it like a sword?

The Autoblow A.I. is for those with a penis, and like Curtis, I would prefer more devices of this nature to be inclusive.

But I do understand the angle the company was going for with this.

Unlike those primitive Fleshlights and tube socks of yesteryear.

The Autoblow A.I. uses technology™ to simulate fellatio and, somewhat surprisingly, does a pretty decent job at it.

The Good

The Autoblow A.I. features ten different modes, all of which focus on different parts of your member.

Some combine multiple, others alternate, and you can adjust the speed to get the experience just right.

There’s also a pause button – referred to as an Edge button – if the experience gets too intense and you aren’t quite ready for that glorious conclusion to your Tuesday afternoon.

What I’m trying to say is that it will diddle your dongle and do so in a manner that pleases you.

The makers of the machine also note that they used artificial intelligence to really nail the feeling.

This was accomplished through analyzing “100s of hours of blowjob videos,” and while I’m hard-pressed to call that true A.I. and not machine learning, Autoblow A.I. sounds a lot better than Autoblow M.L.

The silicon the machine uses is soft to the touch and is made of quality material.

I’m sure there’s a Silence of the Lambs joke here about lotion and skin, but I’ll leave that to you to figure out.

Cleanup is also easy, simply remove the sleeve and run it under some warm water with dish soap.

It is also recommended you use a renewal powder to keep the quality of the silicone intact.

The Bad

There are a (literal) handful of issues that really keep the Autoblow A.I. from being great.

The main one being the size of this monster. It’s not small and can make the experience an awkward one, depending on how you like to get down when you get off.

Combine that with the need to have the machine plugged in while using it and you have an intimate moment becomes a weird dance of machine and flesh that is better left to Love, Death & Robots on Netflix.

A rechargeable battery pack of some sort would really help on that end, but I imagine the weight it would add would be a deterrent to many.

Finally, it’s a bit loud.

Autoblow notes that it is at least two times quieter than the previous version, so at least the company is making strokes strides to quiet the machine.

The Sticky

All in all, if you are looking to add some spice to your personal time or time with a partner, the Autoblow A.I. is a formidable device.

At approximately $300 (currently on sale for $219), you’ll definitely need to decide how much your climax is worth to you.

Still, if you are worried about this just being an overpriced gimmick, you can confidently put those worries to rest.

 Editors’ Recommendations:

• Virtual Mate, the immersive crank-off experience, introduces SPA-Skin
• Review: The dual-screen ZTE Nubia Z20 phone is gimmicky, but surprisingly polished
• Review: Vankyo Performance V600 projector – a solid projector for the price
• Apple just dropped the new 16″ MacBook Pro with improved internals and keyboard